Your real full-time job!

22 июня 2018 г.

22 июня 2018 г.
Sonia-Nezvetaeva, Markers, Copic, flowergraphic, dotwork, Anemone, sketch, illustration
Today my husband said to me:
There's nothing wrong in being ordinary. 
There's nothing wrong in not being great, in not being known by millions, in not getting millions.
And at the same time (goodwill only) there's nothing reprehensible in being a man you want to be.

What a clever guy, right? It's easy to say. What about public pressure? How about your mother-father-fathers-friend-mothers-friend-uncle-joe's expecting about your future/family /job/career/salary/children's names? What about that tall smart handsome guy with estimating gaze from a cafe just around the corner? What about your favorite teacher that always said about your amazing life perspectives? How about your strict inner voice whispering "You are loser! Nobody loves you."

And guess what did my husband answer to all of these questions? "Not to care a dime!". Can you imagine my face at the moment? What do you mean not to care? It's my mom, actually.

I was always a girl "with the Future", a girl that can do everything, who has all the perspectives in the world. But I got sick, then I got married, and than I became a housewife. The game looked over. And all my friends, my family, my parents were frustrated about my career. What's up, little girl?

My husband asked: "Why do you think about people's expectations from you? Why do you want to be someone but not youself? Who did you say that a big-boss-man is happier than you? And why do you believe everyone but not yourself? You are not a dollar bill, you cann't please every person in the world. You must not. Your life your rules. Your full-time job is just to be happy".

Ururu, thats why I love him!

I asked him, what did he want to be when he was a kid? And he said, that he always wanted to be nobody but himself. Lucky man, isn't he? And he is so f*cking right. Because he is completely happy with his life, job, career and... even me and all the problems in my head. Whoever said anything.

Am I a pointillist?

13 июня 2018 г.

13 июня 2018 г.
Sonia nezvetaeva, marker sketch, flower illustration, Petunia, Violet, Copic, Sketchmarkers, Promarker

Hi, everyone!
Welcome to my blog again!

What about dots? Why am I using dotwork in my sketches?
In 2017 I was drawing for Inktober the world flash mob. I really prepared to draw with ink (I Love colours , by the way). I made 31 points list of themes to draw and posted it in my instagram. There was nothing to fall back on. So Inktober has been started.

New beginning

5 июня 2018 г.

5 июня 2018 г.
Rose, markers sketch, copic, promarkers, sketchmarker, flower sketch, dotwork, Nezvetaeva, Sonia Nezvetaeva
Sinse the end of the March till yesturday I have not drew anything. No sketch, no pics, no photo in my Instagram. Did I live through this time or not?

In April I found out that there was a problem with copyright, when I took references for my project in the Internet. Hello, I am a queen of fails! In that moment I had an offer for my art from an international agency. And, I was like "Omg, I have to reject it!" Reject my first opportunity to make a big step... Any way, I did it. I did the right thing.

I was crushed, disappointed and upset. 6 months of my work became a zero. I thought about how can I be so stupid and whatnot. It was like a big emotional hollow. And I gave up. I thought I wasn't good enough for this way, this profession, this world. I've started the research another jobs, another things. Analysis, or math, or cleaner of doghouse? I had a lot of panic attacks one by one. It was terrible and exhausting. I asked myself "Am I mad? Do I need a help? Drugs? Therapy? What's wrong with me?" I was scared all the time. I was afraid of all the things.

And then my friend Fyo said to me: "Stop ruin your life and brain. Just learn your lessons, do your homework. And go! Do what you love." It was like a shock. Like a treatment, what I need. And in the next morning I became a completely normal person. With clear understanding, what I want to do now. Few simple words in the right moment, thanks to you, my dear friend!
Today in the morning I bought this domain name (again) and rebuilt my old blog. It's always the right moment to accept your mistakes, forgive yourself and restart your story.

This rose is my new beginning. 1st sketch for almost 3 months. And I'm happy again.

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