All the 2 weeks I didn't have any time for drawing.
It was about organizations, meets with customers, making usual home and life things, like cleaning and visiting doctors. Really endless to-do-list.

In the certain moment I was like, omg, I can't even go to bed before the midnight, WTH?

Yesterday I was looking through old images on my laptop and figured out my sketches for the Fern poster and realized, that it was a letter to future me from my past. I'm stuck and overload. And whatever it was unbelievable I said to myself I'm just on the way to my treasure. Like a fern! So silly and weird but it works!

Today morning I had sit and write several letters for my customers with all my situation and with apologizing rescheduled all the deadlines. I just CAN'T to do all this things in this small time. One my customer canceled his order. Two other customers confirmed theirs tasks for me with new timing. Nobody died. The Earth didn't roll upside down. I got back my time control.

You really already have all the answers. 

 

 

 

Today I went home. I was on the vocation with my husband for 2 weeks. We were on Black sea side in Bulgaria.

I took a sketchbook and several markers, but as usual I didn't draw at all. In journey I usually collect material. I make photos of flowers , I think a lot about my plans. I write a lot of texts and thoughts. I refill my inner source of power.

Also I write letters to my friends and partners. I refresh my links with people I love. I dive in memories, old photography, past experiences and pics. Just to be sure that I am on the right path. That the plan I built in the past was complete. That the way I chosen still the one that I need to arrive on the right place in time. Just check it out.

It's always like a writer's retreat. I collect all the ideas that come to my mind. I make many lists of things I want to do than I came home. In the end of the journey I want to return to my job as quickly as possible and start a new chapter in my life. 

Let's talk about creating process.

Yesterday I uploaded the new poster on posterlounge. How do I make it? 

The first step, of course, a sketch. But in my case, I just took my old pic with a fern leaf. I made a calligraphy, came up with a compsition. And thought, what a fern could mean?

I researched proverbs, fairy tales, legends and quotes about a fern. And found the perfect Ancient Slavic legend saying that if you could find a blooming fern at the 2nd August night (Elijah the Prophet's day) under it there's a treasure.

Than I thought about how can I link this story with motivation and self-help things. I started a brainstorm. I was looking for something between fern's features and tired men, who needs a bit of support. A swamp, stucking, no choice, no something to focus on, tired, and so on. I took a metaphor and changed it, took another one, and another one, and another one.

I started to write to my friend Anna:

[17.07, 22:25] Sonia Nezvetaeva: You could have no flowers. You could have no variety. You could think you are ordinary. But you are always gorgeous. The fern hides treasure inside.

[17.07, 22:45] Sonia Nezvetaeva: You could have no flowers. You could have no variety. You could think you are ordinary. But you should always remember that you are gorgeous. You have your own unique power. The fern knows where the treasure is.

[17.07, 23:06] Sonia Nezvetaeva: You stuck in the swamp. You feel you are ordinary. You have no variety. Nothing happens. Life has no flowers. But you know you are always gorgeous. Like a fern that always knows there treasure is.

We argued, agreed, remade, rewrote this little piece of text. Flowers or blossoms? Is a Variety a good word here? What exactly did a fern do? What did I try to say? My husband wanted the text to be shorter. Anna said that it is to short. And so on and on and on. By the way I had limits of my composition. And in the end I wanted to give some energy to my potencial customer.

Next morning I take the first half of the 5th var and the second half of the 6th var. And joined it in the final.

So It is not so perfect, but i hope It can be helpful to someone who looks for kind and positive words.

You can find the fern poster here https://www.posterlounge.com/artists/sonia-nezvetaeva/.

My Instagram https://www.instagram.com/nezvetaeva/

Hope your summer is amazing! Hugs.

Hi, guys! How are you doing?

But first coffee and story :).

Few months ago I thought about what's the next step.

I had been drawing for 2 years by then (for many more years actually, but we'll talk about it next time). I finished my second sketchbook, had about 100 markers in my art supplies. I have made 2 projects for customers with my illustrations. I felt confident in my direction, skills, lines and dots.

Well, I have started the research of any new life forms for my pictures. Thanks to my friend Anna I decided to write some letters to international agencies and print shops asking to present my art. And I received the first offer. Because of problems with copyrights (read my very first post, please) I had to reject it.

But I learned my lesson and did several new sketches with my own and free references. Also I wrote to all the authors of photos that I used for my pics like references and ask if I could sell those sketches. Almost all of them agreed. And 3 weeks ago I rewrote all the letters again. And they confirmed the offer again.

Then I uploaded the first pic with a rose and had note from they support, what it isn't good quality and I need to remake it. Also they sent me the list of my pics from my Instagram profile which they want to have on theirs site. I was very impressed by their attitude towards me and my work. They did not block my account, they gave me a second try and helped to understand what would be good for my shop. It was really helpful.

Mandy from support team really made me rethink my own art in new direction. I made a research of motivated quotes and didn't find smth really good. And I wrote my own thoughts. In English. With all my heart. I found a place to scan my sketches with a good resolution.  I made calligraphy. And made my first design for a poster and they approved it. And it was like a real new step that I want. So, guys!

This is my poster shop on posterlounge.com https://www.posterlounge.com/artists/sonia-nezvetaeva/. Welcome!

Today my husband said to me:

There's nothing wrong in being ordinary. 

There's nothing wrong in not being great, in not being known by millions, in not getting millions.

And at the same time (goodwill only) there's nothing reprehensible in being a man you want to be.

What a clever guy, right? It's easy to say. What about public pressure? How about your mother-father-fathers-friend-mothers-friend-uncle-joe's expecting about your future/family /job/career/salary/children's names? What about that tall smart handsome guy with estimating gaze from a cafe just around the corner? What about your favorite teacher that always said about your amazing life perspectives? How about your strict inner voice whispering "You are loser! Nobody loves you."

And guess what did my husband answer to all of these questions? "Not to care a dime!". Can you imagine my face at the moment? What do you mean not to care? It's my mom, actually.

I was always a girl "with the Future", a girl that can do everything, who has all the perspectives in the world. But I got sick, then I got married, and than I became a housewife. The game looked over. And all my friends, my family, my parents were frustrated about my career. What's up, little girl?

My husband asked: "Why do you think about people's expectations from you? Why do you want to be someone but not youself? Who did you say that a big-boss-man is happier than you? And why do you believe everyone but not yourself? You are not a dollar bill, you cann't please every person in the world. You must not. Your life your rules. Your full-time job is just to be happy".

Ururu, thats why I love him!

I asked him, what did he want to be when he was a kid? And he said, that he always wanted to be nobody but himself. Lucky man, isn't he? And he is so f*cking right. Because he is completely happy with his life, job, career and... even me and all the problems in my head. Whoever said anything.

Sinse the end of the March till yesturday I have not drew anything. No sketch, no pics, no photo in my Instagram. Did I live through this time or not?

In April I found out that there was a problem with copyright, when I took references for my project in the Internet. Hello, I am a queen of fails! In that moment I had an offer for my art from an international agency. And, I was like "Omg, I have to reject it!" Reject my first opportunity to make a big step... Any way, I did it. I did the right thing.

I was crushed, disappointed and upset. 6 months of my work became a zero. I thought about how can I be so stupid and whatnot. It was like a big emotional hollow. And I gave up. I thought I wasn't good enough for this way, this profession, this world. I've started the research another jobs, another things. Analysis, or math, or cleaner of doghouse? I had a lot of panic attacks one by one. It was terrible and exhausting. I asked myself "Am I mad? Do I need a help? Drugs? Therapy? What's wrong with me?" I was scared all the time. I was afraid of all the things.

And then my friend Fyo said to me: "Stop ruin your life and brain. Just learn your lessons, do your homework. And go! Do what you love." It was like a shock. Like a treatment, what I need. And in the next morning I became a completely normal person. With clear understanding, what I want to do now. Few simple words in the right moment, thanks to you, my dear friend!

Today in the morning I bought this domain name (again) and rebuilt my old blog. It's always the right moment to accept your mistakes, forgive yourself and restart your story.

This rose is my new beginning. 1st sketch for almost 3 months. And I'm happy again.